What I Didn't Tell You Last Week
Yes, I almost quit before we started.
Hi there,
I didn’t tell you this last week because I thought it might be too early in our process, but after I made the announcement that I was starting this Substack, I almost quit before I shared the first post.
I panicked, came up with a million reasons why I never should have done it. In truth, I just felt vulnerable.
This is an old pattern of mine, and I feel fortunate that I was able to recognize it as such. Like many of us, there have been times in my life when being seen was actually dangerous. That’s not true for me now like it was back then, but try telling that to my nervous system!
Luckily, I now have strategies for meeting those young parts of me, and I also remind myself that of course I’d feel this way and that’s okay.
One of the ways I do that is, of course, by doing exactly what we’re doing here: letting my body’s truth come forward first through movement and then on the page.
I so loved getting started with you last week! Let’s keep going, shall we? I’m so glad we’re here together.
Warmly,
Anna
The movement portion of today’s practice is done from seated (chair or ground), though you can definitely take it to standing and even lying down if you prefer. Everything else you need for both the movement and writing portions of the practice is in the video!
What I wrote to the prompt this week:
Advice to Myself*:
Listen to your body
Remember all the times you didn’t and how that went.
This is not a guilt trip, promise. This is remembering what you know, and that’s different. That’s learning. That’s self-preservation. That’s survival.
I know you weren’t always able to not just listen, not just hear, not even just feel, but not even be near your own body. You were not there. That was necessary.
Not all advice needs to be serious, so here’s a vibe shift: go to bed the first time you doze off at night. Yes, even if it’s 7:45pm. Maybe you’ll wake up early, or maybe you’ll just wake feeling rested.
It’s okay to feel like you should be over having any negative body thoughts by now, or feel closer than you’d like to old patterns sometimes. This is all part of it. Very little in life is completely done, and the process of deepening matters.
It makes sense that you’re scared of doing new things. That your husband makes a racket intentionally when coming upstairs so as not to startle you. That some days you feel like the list of things to shift about yourself is longer than you’d like.
Buy the comfortable pants. Buy the comfortable everything. Especially buy the comfortable bra.
When you feel like you messed up with your daughter, circle back. Repair. You’re actually doing well with this.
Keep going. It’s important to acknowledge when you’re proud of yourself.
Things could be very different right now. You know that. Sure you could do some things better, but wow. Look around.
Tattoo what your therapist said recently somewhere you can see it: It’s important to know how you feel independent of how others feel. What you feel matters.
*Jump-off line from this week’s poem: “Advice to Myself” by Louise Erdrich.
Website & books: Louise Erdrich doesn’t have a personal website, which honestly I respect. Instead, you can buy books (including hers!) from her wonderful bookstore, Birchbark Books. My favorite novel of hers is The Master Butchers Singing Club.
As always, I am sharing this poem with so much gratitude! It’s a longtime fave.
Paid subscribers, you are invited to share in the comments! I love the conversation we started last week. Let’s keep it going! If you’re commenting on what someone else writes, a gentle reminder that we don’t do advice/copy-editing. Y’all are the best!